Our "little" mAn
I'm not going to lie, the bond with this handsome stud was a gradual thing...Some of the best advice I heard while I was pregnant was from the sweet relief society president Heidi Robb. She told me "not to freak out if I did not have the "instant bond" with my baby." I was just so excited to meet him, and start our new adventure together, that the advice didn't really sink in...yet!
Conner was like any other baby when he was born, just sleepy and wanted to eat like
ALL
the
time!
After we got home and about three or four days had passed, I started to wonder, why does he cry so much?! I shrugged it off and thought, people told me babies cry. With all the hormones and "healing" I was going through, it almost made the constant crying unbearable. I was {and am} lucky to have such a patient husband, who had a cute little niece that cried for the first year of her life. So, let's just say, he could handle it a little better. :) We tried everything to get this dude to stop crying...Vacuum seemed to work the best. He would be screaming at the tippy top of his little strong lungs, and then silence. We would do shifts durning the night. One would sleep with the doors shut and earplugs, while the other just bounced him with the vacuum going. We now have lovely carpet burn areas, but SOOO worth it!
After a couple weeks, and after I thought I had passed the "baby blues" I didn't seem to feel quite normal. Everything was overwhelming to me. The thought of going to church made my heart pound and my pits sweat. {Just thinking of how I felt is making me panic a little} I was constantly on edge, I was angry all the time, and I just wanted my baby to STOP CRYING!!!!! I had days where I would go "water" the plants, but really go out on the porch and ball. {until I saw a Bee, then I bee-lined it inside haha} People wanted to come meet my new little bundle of joy, but all I could think of is how shocked they would be at how much he cried. Every new mom wants to show off her cute baby to people, and I was the opposite...I avoided everyone who wanted to come to my home. I thought for sure they wouldn't love to hold, sniff and snuggle him. {now I realize with my normal thinking and normal hormones, that they probably would love to hold him, just bouncing a little}
One night I finally told my husband I didn't feel right {normal}. I don't know what new mom does really after birthing a human, no sleep, hormone shtuff and adjusting EVERYTHING in your life for this new person. During this time, I used to lead the music in relief society and just sweat! Any of you that really know me, know I don't sweat. SO, I called my doctor and was put on medication for Postpartum anxiety. I'm now off the medication and feel great, and I'm actually glad I went through all of this. It has made me stronger, and the bond with my husband and son stronger. Hard and stressful times do make us stronger and really appreciate the good times! :)
This might sound weird, but when I was in labor with Conner, I was scared, nervous and anxious. I think I really knew, this adventure was going to be a bumpy one. {for him AND me}
The bond I feel now with Conner is amazing! Yes, it took a while, but it is stronger than ever! I love him more than words can express. I love every little detail about him and wouldn't change an thing!
The love of my life and angel Conner!!
No comments:
Post a Comment